And: "One of my first dates with a witch was on a satanic altar, and I didn't know it. I mean, there's a little blood there and stuff like that."
She told a meeting in Delaware yesterday: "How many of you didn't hang out with questionable folks in high school?"
Oh, okay, it was high school! Silly me. But, when I can get past the poor grammar ("dabbled INTO"??), I listen to what she's saying here. And I want to make sure I understand.
We're just talking about "a little blood." Right? So, when she says "a little blood," we're not talking, a bucket of pig's blood dumped on her rival followed by the violent electrocution of the entire Senior Prom Court, along with that really mean teacher. That's not what we're talking about, right?
Because, you know, I wasn't there. And, so much is left to interpretation. Maybe I'm unusual, because the "questionable folks" I hung out with [shout out to Facebook!], well, I can't remember attending any Satanic rituals with them. Four-wheeling, yes. Drinking peach schnapps in the woods during exam week breaks, yes. Swimming in the reservoir, and sneaking into...Oh, never mind.
But, visiting Satan's lair where we sacrificed the neighbor's cat that someone "accidentally" ran over?
Nah. Not even once. If that was going on, I completely missed out on it.
After about ten seconds of reflection on Ms. O'Donnell's current, rather stringent "moral" stances set against her past...indiscretions...I can only conclude that her extreme guilt over those Satanic orgies [read: early sex with her boyfriend] has caused her to completely subdue all the normal impulses we associate with human nature.
Fact is, Ms. O'Donnell is still hanging out with "questionable folks." And none of us here are Bewitched.
My advice to her is to, you know, chill. And maybe try out some normal teenage behavior. I may still have some peach schnapps. (I will not be drinking it myself ever again.)
Meanwhile, I'll share this photograph with you that we obtained, a portrait from Ms. O'Donnell's misspent youth. (The gentleman on the left is young Karl Rove.):
Some may say this is not the same person. I mean, it does look like she's enjoying herself there... But the evidence is compelling. And how many of us ARE the same as we were in high school, anyway?